Spring Brayyk. The scariest word combination, like ever.

*Before you begin to read this, open this link in another window and play simultaneously. It will set the mood.   Grimes - Oblivion 

I should really wait and let it sink in.  I keep telling myself to give it time. Cool my jets. Sleep on it. But there will be no sleep tonight. Oh no.  I can't pack for Vegas, do laundry, or even eat until I get this out of my system.  A purge, nay, a cleanse.

I feel dirty. So dirty, for having sat through all 94 minutes of Spring Breakers.  And I really should have known that it would turn out this way.  After all, Harmony Korine, the writer/director, also wrote KIDS.  That should have been my first red flag right there.  

For a rough recap, four bored college girls seek adventure and diversion from their already crazy lives in the form of their dream spring break in St. Petersburg, FL.  In order to fund their trip, they rob a local eatery with water pistols.  Everything goes swimmingly until they are arrested for drugs and alcohol in their hotel room.  With nothing but their two pieces and tennis shoes, the girls remain in jail until their knight in titanium teeth armour, James Franco's Alien, rides up in his white horse (a '95 white Camaro with the vanity plate BALLR) and whisks them away. Though a couple girls bow out of the scene early ("Run bitch run for your life!"), we follow the girls and Alien for the rest of the film as they rob, smoke and fuck their way around the scandalous streets of St. Pete. 

Let's get a look at those beautiful teef.

The dialogue was meant to be poetic, but I just thought it was shitty. Cliche, bizarre, frenetic.  No other way to say it.  Positively cringe-worthy.  And now, for your pleasure, I would like to share some of these gems with you:

"I'm starting to think this is the most spiritual place I've ever been." - Yes, the character Faith (message!) is talking about St. Pete.

"Spring break forever bitches!"

"I'm tired of seeing the same thing. Everybody's so miserable here because they see the same things everyday, they wake up in the same bed, same houses, same depressing streetlights, one gas station, grass, it's not even green, it's brown. Everything is the same and everyone is just sad. I really don't want to end up like them. I just want to get out of here. There's more than just spring break. This is our chance to see something different." - Another winner from Faith.  Isn't she just chalk full of originality?

"Come on, y'all. Why you actin' 'spicious?" - The best lines come from Alien.

"This was my dream. I made it come true. This is the fucking American dream. This is the fucking dream y'all. This is my shit. Look at my shit! I got shorts, every fucking color. I got designer t-shirts. I got gold bullets. Motherfucking vampires. I got my dark tannin' oil, lay out by the pool. This is the American dream, y'all." - Who else but Alien?

When the credits started rolling, I just didn't know what to do with myself.  I don't think any of us did.  In fact I am certain of this as I have a series of texts between C-note and myself.  Let our texts help you to understand our newly formed mental instability:

So what more can I say? As far as disturbing films go, this one tops my list.  It now lives among Full Metal Jacket, Sybil, and Freaks.  Those are some of my absolute haunts. What are yours?

SPRING BRAYYK Y'ALL...